If you want to be happy, then just let it be! – Lev Tolstoy
All of us try to be happy and look for possible ways to achieve happiness. We wish to ourselves and our beloved people to find our happiness whenever there is a celebration or a holiday. if you want to be happy then be.
Is eternal happiness possible or happiness is just a short moment of joy for a while?
Of course, it is normal for people to have various goals and dreams in life and thus things that make them happy may also vary. On the one hand, a person may be happy if he is independent financially and can afford to buy anything he craves. On the other hand, the happiness of somebody else may be expressed in love and care, a lot of friends and stable family. Happiness also means to achieve realization of ideas to other person; or may be one would love to be at a special place with a special person, whereas other man may be happy with having a job and career that brings him personal and professional satisfaction and etc.
We say “I will be happy if… I will be completely happy when…” I.e. we are always in condition of searching for happiness. As if happiness is running away from us all the time. Even if we achieve what we desire the most, we feel happy for a short period and after that we again start searching for it.
That makes happiness seem like an unachievable chimera to some people.
I have carefully went through everything that may bring happiness to us, as stated in the book “The target is not the goal itself, but the Way” – love, money, security, perfect job and etc., which are not permanent but changeable factors, that are mainly not dependent only upon us. Lets say that we are often quite dependant on the circumstances and people while searching for our happiness…
What will happen if we stop looking for it and just… see it?
There is a very nice proverb on the happiness, which I would like to share here with you.
What is happiness? Searching for happiness, we act in the same way as a small kitten that tries to reach its tail – we run after happiness, we struggle to catch it and in the same time we do not realize that in fact, we always have it with us but we never notice it.
In fact happiness is not a chimera itself, but chimera is the idea of achieving and finding happiness.
We chase and feel motivated by outward stimuli and motives while trying and hoping to achieve happiness and we will never be truly happy except for a while, when we achieve what we wanted.
May be you already feel unhappy for not being rich, for not having the best job position for you or may be just because you are living on your own?
There are very many people who are rich but not happy, most of us have the desired job position but feel inner emptiness and they feel as if they miss something. On the other hand there are a lot of men and ladies who live on their own, but they still feel happy, completed and satisfied with their life.
If people live under the same conditions and circumstances of life, some of them feel happy, whereas the rest of them are not. Why this happens?
May be you think that the reason behind is that people have different priorities in life?
The truth is that happiness is not set by the external, but by the internal belief of the person.
Happiness is a state of the mind, when we feel satisfaction of ourselves and our life, we feel harmony and joy inside coming from deep within us.
If our usual state of mind is to be unhappy and we are used to complaining and denying the present moment, it would be impossible for us to feel happy, no matter what we achieve and no matter where we go – How to change our prospective from feeling discontented to feeling grateful?.
“Happiness is not our final goal, but it is the way we feel during our trip” as an ancient proverb says. The happiness does not mean to achieve something that we consider that would bring us happiness, but happiness is a state of mind that we should have inside during the time of our journey to the goal, in our development and change.
One is not truly happy when circumstances allows him to feel good, but he feels sincerely happy, when he is not dependent on the circumstances.
Most people do not allow themselves to feel happy and always set conditions. They feel afraid of saying that they are happy at the present moment. If they admit that they are happy now, this would mean that they would be satisfied with conditions they live under, as if they became reconciled with their current situation.
That is a great delusion, which is the only obstacle that does not allow us to feel completely happy.
In fact happiness is here and now, right at this moment, it is in our prospective and the state of our mind. Happiness is not far away from us, situated somewhere in the future, when we will achieve something. Happiness is here and now, deep inside us.
Happiness is our choice – we can find out one thousand of reasons to be happy, as well as one thousand of reasons to be unhappy. It depends on which priority we decide to focus on.
The very first and the most important condition for you to feel happy is to:
- Allow yourself to be happy.
Do it right NOW, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow. Feeling happy now does not mean that you agree to stay at the same situation, place and conditions, where you are now. It does not mean that you will not struggle to achieve something more and much better in your life.
I have published a very interesting saying by James M. Barry on the Facebook several days ago:
„The secret of happiness is not to make what you do like, but to love what you do.“
Some people accepted the above saying as an appeal for reconciliation, as a refusal to their dreams, even as an intrusion of a slavish way of thinking.
Just the contrary, whenever you accept the present moment the way it is, you can see the opportunity and advantages of it, whenever you find out and analyze the positive aspect of the situation, then you will be able to change your life and make it better.
I started to work as a seller in a shop and I was suffering for not working at the “right” place and position. I felt really unhappy about that. Then, I took a piece of paper and started to write down every advantage that I get from this job – for instance: it brings me incomes and feeling of security, possibility to be more initiative, opportunity to communicate with more people and learn more new things about human psychology, as well as more leisure time to spend on my own while writing and reading books… As I kept on writing more details, I realized that 2 pieces of paper were not enough to write down every benefit that my job provided me with.
Then why the fact that I had this job position should make me unhappy? Yes, of course that is not the job I have dreamt of, but at that moment it was the best one for me. That does not hinder me to keep on striving and struggling for achieving my goals in life.
- Try to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
May be you would say to yourself that „there is no reason for me to feel happy“.
Is that what you do really think? I am sure that you are wrong here. You consider that there is no reason for being happy just because you only see reasons for being unhappy and you focus on those negative aspects of your life.
Just take a piece of paper and a pen and make a list with all things that you have at the current moment and bring you joy – health, children, family, food, clothes, roof above your head, friends, etc…. Keep on writing down every small thing that you can imagine and remember of – even flowers that you planted and bring you pleasure, smile that you caused to appear on somebody’s face, even the sunny day, etc….
Is not that real happiness?
Usually, only 10% of our life is made of negative situations whereas the rest of the 90% has only positive aspects. Despite everything, we concentrated only on the 10% of our things of life, which represent the negative aspects in it and we often refuse to see the positive aspects of it.
You should remember that million people all around the world would give everything just to be you at your place.
May be you would now say that you have a lot of problems? No matter how beautiful our life is, there will always be some unpleasant situations that may arise such as dilemma, failures, or falls. Do not forget that every problem hides an opportunity inside it.
And if you are waiting for the right moment when you will have no problems and everything will be perfect as you want it, this means that you will never allow yourself to be happy. But if you change your prospective, beliefs and view on things, everything in your live will change.
- Use the strength of your smile and laugh.
One of the methods for changing your belief and perception and feel happy is the method of Mirzakarim Norbekov. In fact this method is used not only for achieving better mood but also for curing and recruiting of health.
Norbekov speaks about three centers – center of thoughts, center of emotions and center of mimics – expression of our face when we are in different state of mind (he calls it jokingly muscle corset). The change in one of those centers leads to change in the rest of the two centers.
Norbekov says that it is much easier to change and have influence on this muscle corset, than to change our emotions or thoughts.
That is why he suggests that we stand in front of the mirror and smile widely for at least 5 minutes. Try to remember about a situation or a picture that makes you feel good and keep on smiling widely, as if you are the happiest person in the world. For sure this will make your mood much better and joyful and will make you laugh sincerely, at least to the expression of your face in the mirror.
One of the most wonderful habits is to smile for 3 minutes when you have just awakened and still lying in your bed every morning.
Repeat to yourself and think about this mantra - „I am going to have a wonderful day today “, while smiling widely.
In the very beginning this may seem to be strange and silly to you, but this method will help you significantly change your habit of being angry while mumbling all the time.
If you want to change your beliefs and adjustment, comedies will help you a lot.
I consider it useful that comedies show us how every thing of our life can be funny and joyous.
Have you noticed that after watching a comedy movie, somebody may approach you and try to annoy you but you would not be that angry as usual, nor would you react in a sharp and nervous manner to him…and even you may feel funny about the situation? That happens because your personal adjustment and attitude were totally different.
I have already mentioned before about a research that was made with two groups of people – the one of the group were watching a comedy whereas the other group were watching a drama movie. The results of the survey show that people of the first group were very positive and felt happier than the people of the second group. Of course that was not caused by the movie that made their life better but due to the fact that it revealed the nicer side of the life to them.
- Spend more leisure time outside in the nature.
Sun is one of the best means for having good mood. It is proved that when one goes out to the sun, he starts feeling better and joyful. In case you work in closed offices with artificial electricity light, you should go out more often, watch the skies, observe trees, enjoy wind, deeply breathe in and out fresh air and feel pleasure of being alive and healthy while enjoying the beauty of the nature that surrounds you. What do you think? Do you feel happy? Share your opinion and ideas.